I think i have make a very difficult decision and tell matrix that i really not like what he ask me to do. I feel angry when he said ” oh~ no, this is not what i want”. Sometimes i feel shame as i have already promise him. And whenever i stay in chair to draw, i just can’t calm down.
Recently, i dye my hair to red, and yes, that night, i haven’t done anything. Such kind of things always let matrix feel disappointed. i know it’s no excuse and yes, I’m a lazy guy. The most important thing is i can’t keep my words., this do real make me feel bad. If I keep on working like this , i will ruin my relationship with matrix and this do influence my real life.
I always think i’m a nice person and can do nearly everything. But this time, i was failed and i feel like a bad guy and keep on crashing the dream of matrix.
I need to work, and also should hold the dream. So i think i need to push myself and adjust the mode to working at home. I need keeping on working working working and then finally i may feel happy,who knows. Although I don’t want to live in the other people’s dream, i don’t have my dream anyway.
Most Chinese people’s dream money, so it’s so hard to make me feel right on the way to pursue other things. I hate my flexibility.
To make clear about real life and dream is hard, and life is hard, isn’t it?
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